Confidence vs. Cockiness: The Difference
Happy FRIYAY FRIENDS! I am rejoicing at the thought of sleeping in tomorrow and snuggling with my baby kitty. She is growing SO fast! I will also be filming a makeup tutorial and getting some more style pictures for y’all (HUZZAH). I love love love Saturdays! I hope your weekend is a full as mine is. Today’s post is inspired by the millions of times in a girl’s life she is told that she is “cocky” when she believes she is good at something and tells the world about it. I’d like to clear a few things up when it comes to confidence vs cockiness for the general public. UPDATE: IT’S ST. PATRICK’S DAY APPARENTLY? HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY!
Confidence vs. Cockiness: The Difference
- conceited or arrogant, especially in a bold or impudent way.con·fi·dentˈkänfədənt/adjective1. feeling or showing confidence in oneself; self-assured
When I was 15 years old, I discovered I was really good at doing special effects makeup in my freshman year theater class. I excelled in the course and my teacher would call me out in the class when I did something particularly well. One day during practice, a guy walked by my work and said, “wow, you think you’re really good at this, don’t you.” I smiled naively, missing the sarcasm, and said “Yes! Thank you, I really feel like I have a talent for this!” He rolled his eyes and said, “Okay, cocky much?” and walked away. That was my first encounter with being “cocky”, when I thought I was being “confident”. I knew I was good at something, so why did everyone want me to pretend I wasn’t? I didn’t put him down, and say that he was bad, I was just recognizing that I was GOOD.
I thought cocky meant I was rubbing my success in someone else’s face, or wishing someone else would fail. You don’t have to put yourself down to make others feel better about themselves. That. Isn’t. Your. Job.
I’ve had many run ins with this awful word and I started to stop recognizing my own accomplishments. When people would say “you are really good at XYZ” or “you look really pretty today!” or “you picked that up really quickly, you must have a really knack for this”, I would respond with “oh, I’m not that good” or “I didn’t even try today”. People stopped giving me compliments because I couldn’t take them. I would deflect them and I stopped feeling like I was successful at anything. I believed everyone when they told me I shouldn’t say I was good at anything for fear of being “cocky”. What a terrible way to go through life.
BUT WHY? There is a way to share your passion and skill for something without being labeled as arrogant, cocky or self-obsessed. You can be tactful and appreciative and excited.
Why do we as women struggle so much to take a compliment? I had an epiphany when I got to college that maybe..just maybe… it was okay to believe I was good at something and acknowledge it. If someone says, “your eyeliner looks AMAZING today”, I accept the compliment. I say “thank you, I worked really hard to get them even but I think it turned out great!”. Because I DID. I WORKED HARD ON IT. I DESERVE TO FEEL THAT WAY. I DID spend hours practicing that skill. I DID put in the time to learn something new.
Ladies, we don’t HAVE to defect compliments. Heck, this applies to EVERYONE. Take PRIDE in what you are good at. If you have a talent or you are just really feeling your outfit that day, you don’t have to ignore that. You can stand tall and take those compliments that you DESERVE.
Here are 5 responses to compliments that come after “THANK YOU” that make you sound CONFIDENT not COCKY:
Thank you, I worked really hard on this ~ i n s e r t s k i l l ~! I am proud of what I have been able to learn!
Thank you, I really appreciate your recognizing my ~ i n s e r t s k i l l ~
Thank you, ~ i n s e r t s k i l l ~ is something I really enjoy doing!
Thank you, I am so happy to be able to share my ~ i n s e r t s k i l l ~ with others!
Thank you, maybe I can help you learn how to do ~ i n s e r t s k i l l ~, too!
These are all ways to show you know you are good at something, without putting yourself or others down.
I hope you learned something today, and if this is something you are struggling with, that this will help you realize you CAN share your accomplishments and you CAN feel proud of your skills. When others feel insecure, they like to put people down. Those are NOT the kind of people you need in your life. Surround yourself with friends and family that take pride in what you do, too.
A little tip: write down one thing every day for a week that you are good at and remind yourself of them. Realize you have God-given gifts, and you should use them. Take advantage of the beautiful talents you are blessed with.
I consider everyone of you that read my blog a friend. SO, from one girlfriend to another, stand up and believe in yourself. Because I do. 🙂