April Showers Bring May Flowers – Getting Through The Rain Until You Can See The Sunshine
Happy FRI-YAY, beautiful people. Today, we are doing an inspirational post for something that has really been on my heart and mind lately. It can be SO HARD when you are struggling in a dark time in your life and it can seem so impossible to find the sunshine and the light at the end of the tunnel. I get it, I truly, truly do. But so often, you are being prepared for something so amazing – you JUST can’t see it yet. more intro
April Showers Bring May Flowers:
Getting Through The Rain Until You Can See The Sunshine
There are lots of ways you can work on getting through a tough time in your life – but not all of them work for everyone. There is so much we have to remember when it comes to situations like this: Namely, you may not be open to feeling positive about something – and that’s a valid and real feeling. When Adam and I were struggling to conceive – I was angry. I was SO MAD that it was so seemingly easy for everyone else in the world, and that it wasn’t happening for us. I was mad at my body for not doing what it was supposed to and at the test results from the fertility specialist. I was mad at God for not blessing us with a baby right when I wanted him to. I was mad at Adam for not feeling as upset about it as I was (he processed the situation differently, and truly felt that we would have a baby when we were supposed to). It was a VERY low time in my life. I had massive anxiety attacks regularly, I was constantly in a bad mood, I struggled to be happy for those who were able to get pregnant without any issue. I wasn’t open to hearing from other people who’s answer to my struggle was “it’ll happen when it happens” and “God has a plan” and “now just isn’t the right time for you”. And that was okay. I needed to come to that realization on my own. And in time, I did.
For those who ARE in a place where they are feeling open to working through their emotions and wanting to move out of the dark place they are in – this is for you. And I truly hope it helps. These are 7 things that really ended up helping me move past my anger and resentment about my situation:
One. Feel your feelings. THEY. ARE. VALID.
Even if they are not the same as someone else’s feelings: that doesn’t make them any less real FOR. YOU. So often, we have people who tell us that we are irrational, or our feelings aren’t the “right” ones. But there are no “right” feelings. You feel what you feel. So allow that to happen so that you can accurately process them. If you never allow yourself to feel them, you won’t be able to move past them.
Two. Find someone you can talk to about your situation.
And not someone who is going to try to “fix” it. Sometimes, you just need someone to say, “that sucks. I’m sorry you are going through this right now”. Because not everything is fixable. And sometimes, it helps if someone can just let you vent about it and just validate that no, this situation isn’t ideal. You are right. It isn’t a great time right now. AND THEN you can move forward with figuring out how to tackle the situation or problem at hand.
Three. Do your best to make a list of positives in your life every single day.
This was something that REALLY actually helped me. Every day, I’d right now a list of things that were GOOD about my life that day. I’d try to switch it up daily so it wasn’t the same five things over and over again. Adam was always at the top of the list but some other things I rotated between were: my home, stable jobs, living near my parents, friends that loved me. On other days, it was: lunch with my mom, warm weather, a mani-pedi with my sister, a fun press trip. They can be really small things, or big things. Anything that reminds you that there is SOMETHING other than the tunnel you are in to look forward to.
Four. Practice coping mechanisms.
For me, when I was having an anxiety attack, it was taking a walk with Adam after he got off work a lot of the times. We were able to talk through what I was feeling. I just liked holding his hand when I was struggling. If he wasn’t home, it was deep breaths, deep cleaning the house, a short drive, a little trip to Starbucks for a drink I liked, or busying myself in work so that I stayed as busy as possible. Find what works for you and work towards making that a routine when you start to get anxious.
Five. Make two columns: inconvenience or catastrophe.
Sometimes you have several things happen all at one time and it feels like your rain shower just turned into a full blown thunderstorm. Something that helps me during times like this is to make a list: what am I feeling? Is it a catastrophe – something that alters my life drastically – or something a bit more minor that I FEEL is bigger than it actually is? Taking time to make this difference can be really helpful in managing your emotions about it. This will be different for everyone – so work on really making these distinct in your mind.
Six. Stay grounded in the PRESENT.
If you are like me, you will make up wild and insane scenarios about what COULD happen. You panic so hard about the future that you forget to live in the present. I often live in a world of made up situations and it robs my job at times. When it came to infertility, I lived constantly in the state of “if we aren’t pregnant right now, we never will be” instead of “we aren’t pregnant right now, but there is always a chance that we will be in the future – and there are other ways to grow our family if not” (which is how Adam handled it). It was a terrible way to process the situation and really made it hard for me to come out of that. Take inventory of your day right NOW. What are you doing right NOW to work on your situation? Maybe you can’t do much about it but you can do something about your attitude about it.
Seven. Everyone heals at different paces.
Just because someone moves past a similar situation at a different pace than you doesn’t make you wrong. Everyone heals, processes and analyzes differently. And that’s ok and normal. You are the only person that can decide what is completely right for you. Stop measuring your healing at someone else’s. And ignore anyone who tells you that you shouldn’t still be hurting or struggling with something. That isn’t for them to say.
There is ALWAYS sunshine at the end of every struggle. For us, we did end up getting pregnant after doctors told us it probably wasn’t going to happen for us. And we got pregnant on our own. We didn’t think that would happen for us like that. I don’t take a single moment of this pregnancy for granted – it is the biggest blessing in my life. We don’t know if it’ll happen like this again, but I do know that I am more equipped to handle an emotional journey like that better next time. In this case, our struggle in the rain led to some pretty beautiful sunshine at the end.
I hope that you are able to take your showers and remember that rain doesn’t last forever. You are strong and brave and amazing.