How To Make And Keep Friendships As An Adult

Happy TUESDAY, fam. Today’s post has been weighing on my heart for a while. I am patiently waiting for the day that a Tinder-for-bffs is made (and like not a creepy one) so that I can meet more friend soul mates and live happily every after. Lately, I’ve been pondering what it means to be a good friend, how to make friends as an adult, what it takes to keep your friendships long lasting and and how to effectively communicate in your long-distance friendships (and even your close friends). I wrote a post last year that touched on the communication portion (read that post here), but I felt like I needed to go more in-depth on the actual friendship portion itself. AND HERE WE ARE. So, let’s go ahead and dive into it.


How To Make And Keep Friendships As An Adult

How To Make And Keep Friendships As An Adult

I am a woman that is surrounded by other strong, intelligent, kind women in my life. I like to think I’ve truly, truly found my “tribe” (I literally cringed writing that – sorry, mom, I know you hate that phrase) but I couldn’t think of anything better to describe it. I have my best friend all the way back from high school that I still talk to every day, of course, my sweet friends from college that I love, high school friends I’ve reconnected with since graduating college. But those are all friends that I made while in an environment that fosters friendships. You see them every day for class, or you room together in college or you are part of the same after school activities. The hard part is going out into the real world, once you’re done with school, and making friends. It becomes harder to connect with like-minded people and form lasting bonds of friendship.

How To Make And Keep Friendships As An Adult

I feel lucky because somehow, I’ve stumbled upon some really amazing women since being out of college, and I am lucky to call them friends. Some I’ve met through blogging, some through church and others still through mutual friends and what-not. Here are my tried and true tips to makeup friendships as an adult and keeping them solid. 

HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS:

Join an activity. 

This one should be easy. Find an activity you genuinely enjoy and start doing it. Go to your handy dandy Facebook page and start searching local groups. Want to meet other people who like to knit and watch The Bachelor? There’s probably a Facebook group for it. Are you a biker? A swimmer? A decoupager? Find groups that enjoy doing the same things you do, and you will already have things to talk about. 

Real life story: three of my very best friends in the world are bloggers I met on the internet. Since then, we’ve all met each other, planned vacations and talk every single day. Blogging has been one of my biggest blessings because of these girls. We all share a common love of blogging, so it was an awesome conversation starter and now we are best friends!!

How To Make And Keep Friendships As An Adult

Volunteer.

Do a good deed AND make friends. Win-win. This one is also good because much like the first option above, you can meet people who like the same things you do! It’s an instant start to a relationship and gives you a great place to jump off of when it comes to learning about each other.

Use your kids (human or fur covered, either one).

Go to parks with your kiddos and meet other moms! Go to dog parks with your four legged kiddos and meet other dog moms. Take fido to dog training classes, or agility training. You’ll get a better behaved dog out of it, and quite possibly your new bff. Join a play group or do mommy and me classes, if you’ve got tiny humans. THEN IF YOU ARE LUCKY YOUR KIDS CAN BE BFFS TOO. Aka the dream.

How To Make And Keep Friendships As An Adult

Social media the heck out of the system.

You have a zillion fb friends. Odds are, you have a couple of people in your friends list that you could foster friendships with. Quit lurking and start engaging. It may lead to an awesome friendship!!

Actually leave your house.

I know this is going to be a hard one for my introverted peeps. Don’t panic. It’s ok. But to make friends, you may actually need to leave your home. *GASP* While that isn’t ALWAYS the case – you should probably be leaving your house at least once a day anyways. 😉 Fresh air, new faces…you might even meet your next door neighbor.

How To Make And Keep Friendships As An Adult

HOW TO KEEP FRIENDS:

Remember that it takes two to tango.

This one is important. Friendship is a two-way street. If you expect someone to take your 3am hysterical phone call, you should be ready to do the same. I am loyal to a fault, so in my opinion, friendship should be based on keeping score, but rather helping each other when needed. Be ready to put time and effort into this friendship, without expecting anything in return. That is when friendship flourishes.

Learn to recognize toxic friendships – and jump ship.

Selfish friendships never work and quickly turn toxic – no Bueno. Learn to recognize the signs of a toxic friendship, and don’t be afraid to excuse yourself from those relationships so you can spent time fostering two-sided relationships. Here are 5 signs your friendship is toxic:

  1. They take more than they give – all the time. 
  2. They gossip and shame other girls to you (if they do it to you, they may be doing it about you).
  3. They mock the things you like.
  4. You don’t feel comfortable sharing personal details with them.
  5. They discredit you and your hard work.

How To Make And Keep Friendships As An Adult

Plan activities together.

Friendships need to grow with activities together! A lunch date, a mani-pedi, a movie….or plan a vacation together if you don’t live near each other!! Do things you love to do so you can build memories together!

Learn each others love language.

I know – now it’s sounding like a romantic relationship but the basic backbones are the same. My love language is gift giving, and my friends are amazing at expressing that. I feel so lucky that I have people that took the time to figure out how I feel love. It’s important to me to learn my dear friends love language as well so that I can make them feel loved as well.

How To Make And Keep Friendships As An Adult

Be patient.

Friendships have their ups and downs – that is totally normal. Be patient with friends when they go through hard times. Here will be times when some people cannot give 100% for one reason or another. Help how you can during their struggles and trust they will do the same when you go through tough times as well.

PIN THIS FOR LATER:

How To Make And Keep Friendships As An Adult


I hope that this helps you find your new best friends and keep them for forever. Friendships (much like any relationship) are hard work – but they can be the most rewarding and satisfying relationships you have! I have been beyond blessed by the friendships in my life and can confidently say that I am a better person because of it. 

How do you make friends as an adult? What do you do to keep those friendships strong? Let me know in the comments below!

About The Author

Taylor Mobley

36 COMMENTS

  1. BeLondoned | 23rd Jan 18

    Love this- especially quite lurking haha. So true, instead of getting bogged down in social media we should cultivate real connections! <3

  2. Leslie@Peaches&Willow | 23rd Jan 18

    This post speaks to me so hard because I am such an introvert and that leads to me being a homebody beyond belief. Sometimes it’s hard to even want to get out but when I do I’m always so much happier, especially when I have lunch or go shopping with a friend. Adulting is hard but we need our friends more than ever now so i’m really trying this year to be more intentional and spend more time with my friends, even when all I want to do it stay home in my cozy sweats and eat all the pizza with my husband.

    • Taylor Mobley | 23rd Jan 18

      Yes! Getting out of the house isn’t always easy!

  3. Kristen | 23rd Jan 18

    These are great tips for keeping friendships as an adult! Over the past few years, I have definitely learned to let go of any toxic relationships that were causing me stress and anxiety and I have found who my true friends are! I also love going to different events and meeting new people, I’ve created so many new friendships just by putting myself out there 🙂

    Kristen | http://www.sophisticatedgal.com

  4. Sara Miller | 23rd Jan 18

    Solid advice! Making friends as an adult is SO MUCH hared than doing it as a kid when you’re surrounded by peers all the time. It really does take serious effort now!

  5. Helen | 23rd Jan 18

    They actually have a tinder for BFFs! I think it’s only in certain cities but worth checking out! https://vina.io/

  6. Carly | 23rd Jan 18

    I love all of these tips! I find it is much harder to maintain friendships once you’re an adult and out of school because everyone kind of goes and does their own thing after college.

  7. Kelsie | 23rd Jan 18

    These are so great! I have realized lately that I need to start weeding out the toxic friends… it’s tough but has to be done! I absolutely love those blonde and brunette sweatshirts too! I need them!! lol

    • Taylor Mobley | 23rd Jan 18

      Totally does! And the sweatshirts are from Nordstrom – SO CUTE!

  8. Marci Smith | 23rd Jan 18

    This is so important! You have to put effort into EVERY relationship, not just the romantic ones.

  9. Michele Renee | 23rd Jan 18

    This is a great post! I really needed all of these tips. I have been struggling to make new friends since I graduated a year and a half ago. I always get so anxious speaking to people in person, but I do hope that in the next few months I can make some blogger friends who share my passions.

    • Taylor Mobley | 24th Jan 18

      I hope you can, too. You can always be my friend!!!

  10. Jenny | 23rd Jan 18

    These are such great tips! Most of my friends now are friends from college in addition to blogging friends that I’ve met either online or from the blogging community in my city. I have trouble making new friends sometimes because I’m such an introvert.

    • Taylor Mobley | 24th Jan 18

      I totally get that – being a introvert is so hard sometimes! But it’s so healthy to get out of the house!!

  11. Rachel | 23rd Jan 18

    Great tips! Couldn’t agree more with you on letting go of toxic friendships! And it definitely is two-sided. All of my besties from college live in other states and it definitely takes effort to keep in touch but it’s the best when we can plan get togethers!

    • Taylor Mobley | 24th Jan 18

      It does take effort – but it is SO worth it!

  12. mary jingjing lopez | 23rd Jan 18

    I’m a new mommy and I agree when my baby is with me its so easy to make friends with other mommies and talking about motherhood is endless. Good relationship with friends is easy when you have the right people as friends, true, honest and just being themselves in their own lovely way.

  13. Crystal // Dreams, etc. | 23rd Jan 18

    I love this! I’m so with you on the toxic friendships… it’s happened once to me and I realized that for my sake I had to back away from that friendship. It’s a hard decision to make, but also for the best.

    • Taylor Mobley | 24th Jan 18

      I’m proud of you for leaving that relationship!

  14. Erica @ Coming Up Roses | 24th Jan 18

    YAAAAAAS GIRL. You know how I feel about this. And I’m over here going A-FREAKING-MEN. So so so so SO grateful for you. You are the best friend in the world so if anyone can speak to friending as an adulting, it’s you girl!

  15. Parul | 24th Jan 18

    I loved reading through this post and it’s a topic that is of great importance to me. Personally, I’ve realized that while I’m good at making friendships, it’s not always that easy sustaining them. I feel that is also because I have moved around so much since childhood that beyond a point it just became too cumbersome. And I feel friendships should happen naturally and not feel like a burden. So I’ve had different friends at different stages of my life. Some I’m still friends with, other are just on my FB friends list. 🙂 But I agree that like any other relationship, friendships too need to be worked on on a regular basis.

    Cheers!
    Parul | http://girlinchief.com

  16. justine | 24th Jan 18

    omg! its SO HARD to find friends as an adult lol i love how we need to date each other too! i suck at keeping friendships since we move around a lot, bur once we do catch up its like picking up right where we left off!

  17. Gerome of G&D Blog | 24th Jan 18

    Finding friends as an adult is so hard. Especially adults nowadays are kinda, you’re right, one of those toxic people to get rid of. Thanks for these tips! Now, I miss my friends. Excited to have sushi later with them. 😀

  18. Jordyn | 24th Jan 18

    Making friends as an adult can feel really difficult but I think you’ve nailed a lot of the obstacles! I am trying to be better about staying in contact with friends and putting in effort with more people because I can be a bit of a homebody!

  19. Holly | 24th Jan 18

    Actually leaving your house is the trustest one!! I hardly ever want to leave mine. But these are some tips I need to follow!

  20. Erica D Ardali | 25th Jan 18

    Sadly, I don’t really have any friends, so maybe I can do a little experiment with this post.

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